The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It
$15.13
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Learn to take ownership of your success, overcome self-doubt, and banish the thought patterns that undermine your ability to feel—and act—as bright and capable as others already know you are with this award-winning book by Valerie Young.
It’s only because they like me. I was in the right place at the right time. I just work harder than the others. I don’t deserve this. It’s just a matter of time before I am found out. Someone must have made a terrible mistake.
If you are a working woman, chances are this internal monologue sounds all too familiar. And you’re not alone. From the high-achieving Ph.D. candidate convinced she’s only been admitted to the program because of a clerical error to the senior executive who worries others will find out she’s in way over her head, a shocking number of accomplished women in all career paths and at every level feel as though they are faking it—impostors in their own lives and careers.
While the impostor syndrome is not unique to women, women are more apt to agonize over tiny mistakes, see even constructive criticism as evidence of their shortcomings, and chalk up their accomplishments to luck rather than skill. They often unconsciously overcompensate with crippling perfectionism, overpreparation, maintaining a lower profile, withholding their talents and opinions, or never finishing important projects. When they do succeed, they think, Phew, I fooled ’em again.
An internationally known speaker, Valerie Young has devoted her career to understanding women’s most deeply held beliefs about themselves and their success. In her decades of in-the-trenches research, she has uncovered the often surprising reasons why so many accomplished women experience this crushing self-doubt.
In The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, Young gives these women the solution they have been seeking. Combining insightful analysis with effective advice and anecdotes, she explains what the impostor syndrome is, why fraud fears are more common in women, and how you can recognize the way it manifests in your life.
Publisher : Crown Currency
Publication date : October 25, 2011
Edition : Standard Edition
Language : English
Print length : 304 pages
ISBN-10 : 0307452719
ISBN-13 : 978-0307452719
Item Weight : 1.04 pounds
Dimensions : 6.37 x 1.11 x 9.53 inches
9 reviews for The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It
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Nancy Knettell –
Fabulous book!
I have been fan of Dr. Valerie Young for years. So, when I saw her book, “Secret Thoughts of Successful Women,” announced, I was so excited, I ordered it before it was even on the shelf. Boy was I not disappointed. I felt as if Valerie Young was speaking to me personally. The book was amazing in its insight and in fact has made my company’s success possible.In my previous “day job” I was a an accomplished senior manager and technologist in the engineering field for over 30 years. But it was always my dream to work for myself. Unfortunately, all of my prior attempts to be a self-bosser were less than satisfying. Yes, I could teach sewing or walk dogs, but for some reason, I wasn’t passionate enough about those endeavors to keep my interest long enough to see success. I liked engineering. But, opening up my own successful engineering company seemed so out of reach to me. I had started the framework for one anyway, but kept dragging my feet. I was getting a few small contracts, but nothing that would sustain my being able to work for myself. I still had the nagging feeling that women don’t build engineering companies. Men do.After reading the book “Secret Thoughts of Successful Women” and seeing that all of my fears were really the Impostor Syndrome at work, I realized that I had been saying “NO” to my own success all along, and didn’t need to. In fact, just after I finished reading the book, I was able to go to the next networking meeting with the “Big Guys” and land a huge contract and exclusive alliance with a very lucrative client company. This relationship will definitely go a long way to ensure the continued success of my company for years to come, and has definitely allowed me to finally become a self-bosser. How was this relationship different from all the other business relationships I have entered into in the past? Not only was the scope of the project much larger than any I have attempted in the past, the company I entered into the alliance with is located in Europe.Before reading Valerie’s book I would have come with all sorts of excuses why I could not help this company. I don’t know how to work with someone in Europe. I don’t how to how to set up foreign exchanges. I can’t possibly handle such a big project, etc. etc. etc. Valerie’s book made me realize I don’t have to know all the information I need to work with these people right now; I just have to learn it. And in fact, now that I have opened myself up to the possibilities thanks to Valerie, the resources to teach me the information that I need to know are coming forward just when I need them. All I have to do now is just say “YES” to the opportunities as they come to me.I highly recommend anyone with fears of “playing big” holding them back read this book. The book is easy to read and effective in its suggestions on how to deal with any issues you might have.Nancy KnettellCEO Signet Medical Systems
Tim Grover –
A Brilliant book that belongs in every self-help library…
Iâve been familiar with Valerieâs work for quite awhile, and have heard her talk about the Imposter Syndrome several times. In both her academic and professional life, sheâs spent a great deal of time researching its causes and the psychological/emotional toll it takes on those who struggle with it. Best of all, sheâs written an excellent book with practical advice and tips on how to identify and overcome it.With a title like âThe Secret Thoughts of Successful Women,â you may wonder why a guy like me would read it. Although the Imposter Syndrome affects women more frequentlyâfor reasons she outlines in the bookâmost men can identify with much of her material. It also provides great insights for men into what our sisters, wives, and daughters deal with on a daily basis. I underlined many ideas that hit home with me and will cite a few examples.Toward the beginning of the book, Valerie lists âSeven Perfectly Good Reasons Why You May Feel Like and Imposterâand What to Do About Them.â Reason #1 is that we were raised by (imperfect) humans. As children, the withheld praise that we hunger for from adults can haunt us for a long time. But if we realize that perhaps our parents never received the approval they needed growing up, it makes it easier to forgive them and to move on.She also identifies self-destructive habits we develop to undermine our successes. If we procrastinate on studying for an important test and end up receiving a bad grade, we justify it by saying it really does prove weâre not as smart as others think we are.How we respond to mistakes and criticism factors into a diminished self-image for many people. Valerie reminds us that sometimes are critics are dead wrong. Did you know Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper for âlacking ideas?âPerhaps most shocking to some readers may be the long list of famous people who confess to feeling like imposters. Tina Fey, Sonia Sotomayor, Meryl Streep, Kate Winslet and the late Andy Williams are quoted. But as mere average mortals, itâs refreshing to learn that even those with world-class talent acknowledge their occasional doubts about how deserving they are of their fame. And itâs interesting to see how they cope with it.Finally, after presenting the tools needed to overcome the Imposter Syndrome, Valerie presents an inspiring challenge. âEveryone loses when you play small,â she writes. âThere are people out there this very minute who want and deserve to benefit from your full range of knowledge, abilities, and skills.âThis is a brilliant book that belongs in every self-help library.
Randall Hampson –
Solid information and interventions
As a therapist, I often read books through the lens of âwould I recommend this to clientsâ and this book is a âyesâ based on it having lots of things to do to help with Imposter Syndrome and being very readable/relatable. The author notes that this book is for men too and makes small attempts to make it so, but this book is 98% written for women (or perhaps for men who want to better understand the female experience) so thatâs who Iâll be recommending it to.
Cruise Read Crochet –
Spoke directly to me
âPeople who know or work with you have no idea that you lie awake at night wondering when they will finally discover what an incompetent sham you really are.âWhen I read this line in Chapter 1, I cried. This author has taken my feelings and put them into words.I originally borrowed this book on my kindle. I was highlighting so many lines, that I decided I needed a copy for myself.Only halfway through, but I have already been able to change my interactions with people (work and home) because of this book.
Cate Collins –
Valerie has done a brilliant job in sharing impactful stories of successful women’s thoughts of self doubt and perfectionism.This book is timely given our current climate where leaders and successful women are having to pivot and change how they work and interact. Our imposter syndrome can become even more amplified. I especially like how she gets to the point with “The bottom line”, “What you can do” and “What’s ahead”.I will continue to recommend this helpful book to my clients. I will be referring to it many times. Thank you Valerie for a well written book.
Beatriz Arias –
Refleja todo el diálogo interno del sÃndrome del impostor, ayuda a identificar prejuicios/razonamientos ilógicos. Bueno.
Rachael Shaw –
Very thought-provoking…extremely easy to read.I think the best way to use this book is to have a little bit of time to think through the answers to the questions that are posed. take time to do the activities that are in the book – it really wont take long and make the book extremely useful.I cannot thank you enough for the confidence it has given me to âgive it a goâ. I may not get it right 100% of the time, but I am definitely going to start battering down the negative voice inside!Thankyou
Gi –
Descreve a realidade de muitas mulheres! E até de muitos homens que não admitem… muitas situações que acontecem no dia a dia e que são mais rotineiras que imaginamos.
Amazon Kunde –
Das Impostor Syndrome ist etwas, das uns allen zu schaffen macht, auch denen bei denen man es am wenigsten vermutet. Alleine dieses Wissen macht es für mich im Berufsleben einfacher. Und wenn man anfängt, an sich selbst zu glauben, dann strahlt man das auch nach auÃen aus und die anderen bemerken es auch. Mir hat dieses Buch wahnsinnig geholfen dabei, meine berufliche Abgrenzung, Zukunftsträume und inhaltlichen Fokus zu bearbeiten.